Impurity, that’s why I dislike people and myself who want to be good but make wrong decision at the last minute.
　　
　　The lady who tried to convince me said I was born with sin, “what so ever,” I told her, “I don’t feel shame about that. so how can I change that?”
　　
　　I tell my colleague I need maybe certain psychotherapy, she can’t understand. I thought at least I know my mantle catch cold while you guys have never noticed your illness. Okey.
　　
　　One said love me, even though I am planning to marry another. What I know is you fall in love with your imagination of this hopeless affection, your sentimentality, your mood in pain, whatever but me, more important, I’d not like to be what you suppose me to be.
　　
　　Last night before I fell in sleep, I felt I love someone. The will was so strong that I planned to make some change in my life, or my marriage. I believed the change would result in two happy and released souls…… it doesn’t really bother, I didn’t recall those thinking until just now I turned on my computer. I may dream same thing tonight but I know I will forget it after sunrise.
　　
　　I tried to find out the feeling of love. Few days later I got it on an old woman less than 50-year-old, who is sharp, selfish, but still beautify. Now to me, love looks like: whatever she had done to me, she is my queen. Goddamed! Stop it took me 2 seconds.
　　
　　I’d never try it on man, cause to women, man are not trustworthy even some of them can be said reliable (a few of he afford her after divorce, or finding a lover).
　　
　　Youths laugh at my age, just like what I did several years ago. Don’t you agree that aging is such a great thing on the world? But old people are not attractive, they make their last effort to grasp everything, without any dignity. Am I too harsh?
　　
　　I was born in an interesting country, my governors and people around me just kept on talking and talking for many and many years, till I could not stand with that, I left to another, which is a bit dangerous, unfriendly, and would take some of time to find out my way. But at least, world here is clearer. They say I am no longer a patriot, hum…… really? Cause I’d never have a background, the culture on my native land was destroyed before I was born. And the rest is just simply unlovely. Patriot means sufferings in deep.
　　
　　That’s it. The killer in “natural born killer’’ said he is pure. The criminal in “orange clock” said he is as pure as a lake in season fall … …